Parents

PARENTS

Introduction

As your child grows, you seem to have less control over what they are exposed to and any outer influences. During their coming of age, it is common to crave adventure and experimentation, including that of drugs and alcohol. This can be frightening and intimidating. While one cannot monitor their child’s every move and decision, it is important to maintain regular communication and be an active listener. In regards to alcohol and drugs, it is better to have the conversation sooner rather than later. If you don't know where to start, the below information can give you some ideas. 

The Importance of Talking with Your Child About Drugs and Other Drugs

Parents have a significant influence in their child’s decisions to experiment with alcohol and drugs. Experts suggest discussing the topic of drinking, smoking, and drugs as early as the ages of 5 to 7 and continue to elaborate on the topic as they grow older. It is important to develop an open and supportive relationship alongside a safe environment. When this is established in the beginning, children are able to make better decisions and feel comfortable turning to their parents when issues arise. Because children do not know all the facts or have access to them, parents must present them. There is a risk of children assuming that there is no harm associated with drug and alcohol use. Have these conversations to be able to set the rules regarding what is expected from the whole family when it comes to drugs and alcohol.

Why Your Child Might Use Drugs and/or Alcohol

Do not be quick to place the blame on yourself. There are variety of different reasons why youth use, here are some common ones and what you can do:

Stress

Stress can arise in school due to grades, the idea of fitting in and creating friendships, or physical appearance. Drugs and alcohol can be used to escape these overwhelming expectations. As a parent, if you sense your child is feeling stressed, start a conversation about it. Discuss potential stress management techniques and perform them together, including meditation, walking, yoga or creating artwork.

Here are some signs of stress to look for early on: 

  • Negative changes in behavior: Increased irritability, moodiness, changes in sleep (too much or too little), changes in eating habits (too much or too little), expressing worries, and changes in socialization

  • Feeling ill may be caused by stress: Stomachaches and headaches. Teens who are stressed out are also more likely to get colds and other minor illnesses.

  • Educational problems

  • Negative talk

Peer Pressure

Youth between the ages of 11 and 18, absorb information from those around them, including family, peers, and the media, and look to them for guidance. Thus, if they constantly see images of individuals consuming alcohol and using drugs, they may start to believe it is normal behavior. If you feel that your child is having trouble finding their own identity and adopting the habits of others, help boost your child’s confidence. This could be achieved by strengthening their ability to say “no” and reminding them that true friends would not pressure them to drink or use drugs. In addition to proper information on the dangers of drugs and alcohol, motivate your child to find hobbies that find them joy. 

Transitions

Some examples of transitions that occur include moving, divorce, and shifting from middle school to high school. Youth cope with transitions differently. Communication in these situations are key. As a parent, provide reassurance and alternatives to turning to drugs and alcohol. 

How to Talk to a Young Child 

Seek the teachable moments. For example, if during a movie or TV show a character is smoking, briefly talk about the harms of smoking to the body or, during a family gathering when there is alcohol involved, explain to them why they do so and the meaning of drinking responsibly. Remain calm, yet present and attempt to not overcomplicate the subject. If someone in the family has drug or alcohol abuse problems it is even more crucial to introduce these topics early. Research shows that having family history with alcohol and drug abuse increases their chances of becoming abusers themselves. Around the ages of 8 to 12, is a good time to ask open-ended what they know about drugs and alcohol. Do not humiliate or judge your child, if they do not give the response you were expecting. Instead, it may be helpful to research this information together, in addition to offering your knowledge and advice. 

How to Talk to a Teen

Talking to a teen is especially difficult because of the exposures that may have already taken place. First, have a conversation where you are able to gauge their knowledge, thoughts, and feelings towards drugs and alcohol. To encourage complete honesty from your teen, share your personal experiences, have an appropriate tone of voice, and ease into it. Do not be quick to make assumptions if they do not want to talk about the subject. If this occurs, simply voice your concerns over safety and health. For example, discuss the dangers of driving under the influence and the legal issues associated with drunk and drugged driving. There could be jail time and fines involved, along with serious injury. Discuss the expectations you have of them and help them feel safe coming to you when they are ready to talk.

Building Connections: Being involved in your teen’s life, reduces their chances of drinking, smoking, and drug use. Here are some ways you can support your teen:

  • Building self-esteem: Help your teen acknowledge that their feelings are valid. When your teen is confident in themselves, they will feel less inclined to please their friends by using alcohol and drugs. 

  • Take the time to know their friends and possibly their parents as well. If you are well acquainted with their parents already, share your concerns over alcohol and drug use.

  • Keeping tabs: What do your teens do outside of school? Who are they with?

  • Be a role model: If you smoke or use alcohol or drugs, chances are your teen will, too. If you smoke or have a problem with alcohol or drugs, get help. When your teen sees that you are making an effort, it can help understand the gravity of substance use. Ask a relative or friend who is trying to quit smoking, drinking, or using drugs to talk with your teen about how strong the addiction is.

Reach out for help when necessary: Do not be ashamed to attend a parenting class or go to a family counselor when things get too overwhelming.

HOW TO ANSWER THE TOUGH QUESTIONS

“You drink alcohol, why can’t I?”

Tell your child that there are laws in place that prohibit underage drinking. Unlike adults, your body has yet to be fully developed physically and mentally. When you drink at an early age, this will negatively affect your development. Here, you may want to introduce articles that detail these effects. 

“Can I go to a party?”

Ask your child if there will be adult supervision and if they believe there will be drugs or alcohol present. If possible, exchange contact information with the adult. Remind your child that there are legal repercussions if drugs and alcohol are present. If you allow your child to go, we suggest taking your child to the location and picking them up, or ensuring another form of reliable transportation. Use this time to reinforce your rules about alcohol and remind your children of the behavior you expect. If you do not allow them to attend, attempt to spend that time together as a family. 

“Did you drink when you were my age?”

If you drank as a teenager, be honest. Recognize that your actions were risky and discuss why you did it and how you felt. Perhaps you drank because your friends do so too but you did not find it enjoyable. Tell your child relatable stories for making smart decisions. Remind your child that alcohol and drugs are not needed to have fun. There are serious consequences when engaging in this behavior. 

“What should I do if I am offered it ?”

Help your teen develop strategies to handle peer pressure. These are critical skills to have  for becoming an independent adult. Here are some examples:

  • Ask questions to yourself: “Does this seem right?” “How does this make me feel?” “What are the pros and cons?”

  • Body language: Stand your ground, make eye contact, and remain calm.

  • Spend time with people who do not put you in uncomfortable situations and pressure you to conform.

  • Practice saying “no”.

  • The buddy system: Be with a friend who shares the same views as you regarding drugs and alcohol. 

  • Set boundaries: Simply walk away from the situation or avoid it altogether. 

  • Get advice from a trusted adult: This does not have to be a parent, it can also be a teacher or a school counselor.

“What if I just try a small amount?

There is no point in trying a small amount. Depending on the situation at hand, trying a small amount could be a signal to your child’s friends that they see no wrong in the behavior. Remind your child that by wholly refusing they are voicing their values and knowledge. In some cases trying a bit can be deadly. This is the case with fentanyl. Fentanyl is a synthetic opioid typically prescribed, but has been increasingly manufactured illicitly. Fentanyl is up to 50 times stronger than heroin and 100 times stronger than morphine. Because it is so much stronger, only a very small amount, such as a few grains, can be lethal.

Drug Treatment: What to do if your teen has a drug or alcohol problem

Recognizing a Substance Use Disorder

 The signs may seem evident but can easily be dismissed as puberty. Please do not overlook these signs, especially if they rise unexpectedly. These are the ones to look for:

  • Acting withdrawn 

  • Frequently tired or depressed

  • Hostile

  • A change in peer group

  • Decline in academic performance

  • Missing classes

  • Loss of interest in favorite activities

  • Trouble in school or with the law

  • Change in sleeping and eating habits

How to Find Treatment

The first step is recognizing that there is a problem at hand. Whether your child approached you, or you caught them with the substances, provide warmth and affection. This is a time when your child needs you the most. The next step is to go to your preferred physician. It is better to call ahead of time to make sure they are comfortable discussing the topic; you want a doctor who has experience. You may also ask for a referral for a physician who is able to help. Together, you can decide what type of treatment is most suitable and if your child should enter a treatment program. 

Treatments for Drug Addiction 

  • Behavioral counseling 

  • Medication

  • Medical devices and applications used to treat withdrawal symptoms or deliver skills training 

  • Evaluation and treatment for co-occurring mental health issues such as depression and anxiety

  • Long-term follow-up to prevent relapse

A tailored treatment plan may include a range of these options to address both physical and mental health.